This is old, around this time last year if I’m not mistaken, but it’s STILL hilarious. Gotta love the leftovers. Anyways, from â€˜The Weekly Viceâ€™
Dade City, Florida â€” Antwan L. Grandberry, a 19-year-old Dade City man was arrested after assaulting mother who caught him masturbating.
According to the Dade City Police Department, the incident began about 7 p.m. Tuesday when Grandberryâ€™s mother looked outside and saw her son, Antwan, masturbating in the back yard. She reportedly yelled at him to stop.
Grandberry walked around to the front of the house and rang the doorbell. When the mother answered and yelled at him once more, Grandberry responded by punching his mother in the face, according to the arrest report.
Grandberry was booked into the Pasco County Jail on a charge of domestic violence where he currently remains in lieu of a $500 bond.
All I can say, I guess, is that I donâ€™t know what to say.
First offâ€¦ What the hell are you doing in the backyard playing with yourself? Thats just bugged out. And then youâ€™d think the sheer fact that he was caught by his mother of all people would be enough drama for one day; just go inside, wash up and sleep it off because tomorrow is another day. Not Antwan, instead of backing down, he totally goes off and decides to make sure Mommy doesnâ€™t remember this in the morning.
Hell yeah that shit would be embarrassing, and Iâ€™m sure you’d black out for a minute after your mom saw you beating your meat. Even after something crazy like this happens and knocks the earth off its axis for a minute, you should just cut your losses and MOVE ONâ€¦ But nope. This douche-bag goes around the house and rings the doorbell just to smash his mom in the face? Senselessâ€¦ He coulda just hit her while they were in the backyard. That would have been easier, no? Hahaha. Not that I condone hitting your motherâ€¦ I just find it pretty funny.
As I was saying, this guy has got no brain. No pun intended. Since the media caught wind of it, the entire world knows this guys story. Even better is that they published his mugshot, so we can see his face. Not only does he need to deal with the awkwardness heâ€™s gonna have around mom, but he’s gotta cope with the fact that everybody knows what he did and what he looks like. People must have some fun messing with him. Kind of makes me feel badâ€¦ But not bad enough to not get a good laugh out of writing this.
The lesson here: Learn proper masturbatory etiquetteâ€¦ or just get a girlfriend; They are a hands-free device after all.